Dream
by Black Velvet Poison
Summary: Surely this pain will kill her. Surely she deserves this suffering. But, finally, she's made up her mind. K/A DISCONTINUED
1. Chapter 1

_Listening to: Tempted (Conjure One Mix) _by Collide

**Wicked Lovely © Melissa Marr **

**

* * *

  
**

**DREAM**

**Chapter One**

Why was this happening?

The reflection that stared back at her was not the person she was. It couldn't be; not this ugly, weak, disgraceful thing. This girl who looked so miserable, so pathetic, so… _heartbroken_. Who seemed too easily snapped in two.

Aislinn clenched her eyes shut tightly, letting her head fall backwards, fingers gripping the bathroom sink so tightly that her knuckles bled white. Why? She really couldn't understand. It was mind boggling, it was ludicrous, so absolutely --

Seth had left. He _left_.

She bit her bottom lip so hard that her canines broke skin and thin trickles of blood ran down her chin; a stark contrast to pale flesh. Her head fell forward and she was looking in the steamy mirror again, leaning so close her forehead touched it and all she could see was her eyes. Her broken, fragile eyes. Anger pushed at the despair. So much anger; hot and volatile. Both feelings collided and compressed, forming an uncomfortable lump in her chest that only frustrated her when it made her eyes water.

_No. No. No._

She didn't want to cry. Crying was bad for her. Her crying affected the weather, her crying meant weakness. She couldn't afford to be weak… could never afford to be weak. Not when she was mortal and definitely not now when she was --

She pushed the thought away. It still stung to think that she was no longer human and if she allowed herself to be completely honest with herself - which she never allowed - it hurt even more to be this… in-between thing. No longer human, but not fully faery queen. Not until she and Keenan -- Again, she pushed those thoughts aside.

How could she possibly think about such things when Seth - oh god, _Seth_ - had left her. Almost half a year and not a word. He had just… left. Her heart crumbled just a little more as she once again thought about it. Too much, it was all too much. The stinging behind her eyes increased and she couldn't hold it back anymore.

The Summer Queen screamed, broken and anguished, throwing all her bodyweight into her fists as she broke the mirror; her inhuman strength shattering it into tiny pieces that exploded back outwards towards her from the force. She didn't care. Her arms cut up and bleeding, she crumpled to the floor and sobbed. Sobbed like she had never allowed herself to before. Whole upper body shaking from it, the bloody heels of her hands pressed into her eyes - tear trails roll pink down her cheeks.

_Why?! Why?! Why?!_

Aislinn curled into herself - the outside sky swirling with dark clouds, thunder striking; influenced by her emotions - and bawled for a good long time. Bawled, sobbed, screamed out her misery, thinking that it wasn't fair. It just wasn't fair. She cried for a good half hour and when she had no more tears and when her voice was cracked and used, she had sat up against the rim of the tub and stared at the wall in a lifeless stupor.

_Aislinn, what are you doing? _

Common sense was a terrible thing… only coming to you when you're at your weakest. She didn't want to listen…

_What are you doing? You're making people worry… He's not coming back. He's never going to come back. _

She closed her eyes against such traitorous thoughts, swallowing thickly thought it hurt her raw throat. She didn't want to hear it… Didn't want to accept the things she already knew. So many things she already knew. Accepting them though, would mean accepting that her entire life had been a lie.

_Keenan's waiting for you. Your court is waiting for you… They suffer. They suffer. Your selfishness makes them suffer. _

She whimpered, drawing her knees to her chest and burying her face in them. What _was_ she doing? When had she become so weak? She had never been dependent before, but… then again, she'd also never been in love before. It just… hurt so much.

_Selfish. You're selfish, Ash. You have responsibilities… Think of them. The court… Keenan. Keenan…_

"… Keenan," she murmured and suddenly felt like crying all over again. Keenan. Her friend, her king. He had just regained Donia's affection and she had taken that from him again. He was here - with her - instead of being where he truly wanted to be.

"… I'm sorry," she breathed, voice cracking and trembling, "I'm so, so sorry…."

_Seth is gone. Donia is gone. You have forever to live… Do something right for a change. If you truly love Seth… then let him go. _

Her heart finished breaking right then and it wasn't just because she knew what she had to do… but also because she realized… she truly realized…

_If not for Seth… I would've fallen in love with Keenan._

She cried again. Silently this time and she promised herself that it would be the last time. She knew what she had to do.

Even if the painfulness of it killed her.


	2. Chapter 2

**DREAM**

**Chapter Two**

The skin of her arms were smooth and unblemished again. Only minutes had passed since she had pulled the glass from them and already they had healed. Now if only her heart could heal so quickly.

She sat before her vanity, pulling a brush through long hair and trying not to think too much about her decisions… lest she develop doubts. Her face was no longer red and she had been out of the bathroom's heat long enough for the swelling of her eyes to decrease. The brush clicked softly as she set it down, closing her eyes and breathing deeply.

She could do this.

Her Summer Girls entered at her beckoning and with glassy, far away eyes she let them dress her and make her up like a doll. Painted and dazzling, looking everything like the perfect immortal she was. Perfect Immortal Queen.

Aislinn reached for the mirror, fingers ghosting over the contours of her reflection. Down a powdered cheek, across plump, painted lips, down the column of her neck, collarbones - hand falling away as her eyes followed the rest. This… stunning, alien woman dressed in an evening gown that wouldn't have suited her at all before…

Before.

She turned, Summer Girls opening the door for her as she walked out and slowly made her way to where her King was. Her King, their Revelry, their Court. Her fate.

The full moon hung low and heavy in a cloudless navy sky. Keenan stood in the middle of their faeries, waiting for her - always waiting - a smile on his handsome face. She couldn't make herself smile back.

Before him now, he bowed to her and she curtsied to him. The moment his arm was about her waist the music started. As if from nowhere a symphony burst to life and they were all dancing; one hand at his shoulder, the other in his.

There were supernovas in his eyes and she stared, riveted, into them. They were her grounding - her beautiful anchor that made her heart clench painfully and made her weak in the knees at the same time. As always, she was swept away by him. By him and by their dancing. Fast, dizzying, overwhelming. They spun and moved to music with no particular rhythm and somehow she knew exactly where to put her feet. He dipped her, leaned with her, warm breath ghosting her throat - her heart threatening to burst through her ribs - and then they were up again and moving.

They paused only to drink the Summer Wine and to spread sunlight onto the blossoming flowers and plant life. It was only when the drink had made her warm (or was that Keenan? She couldn't tell anymore.) and when she was spinning about with Keenan, wrapped in his arms, that she finally smiled. Always, always… he made her feel better. Made her feel --

He drew her closer; both his arms about her waist and both hers at his shoulders. Pressed together like this, swaying to the music that sounded fuzzy and far from her now, she closed her eyes and lost herself in him. The circuit of flowing sunlight between them calming. He was calming. He was --

Distantly she wondered why this was easier than she thought it would be. This decision of hers.

Sadly she wondered… why Seth was being so easy to forget. How her heart could be so traitorous.

At least for now. In this wonderful, dizzying moment.

"Ash…"

Her eyes slid open and his face was closer than she had expected it to be. She kept his gaze, saying nothing and remaining unflinching when he moved closer. Her lips parted just slightly and she tilted her chin up just slightly to meet him halfway.

It was different. So very, very different. Sweet and sour - passion, frivolity - it was the taste of summer. Warm air, cool lapping water, the smell of the world after a storm. Keenan. It tasted like Keenan. She found that it was oh so very wrong, but oh so very right.

There was hurt in his eyes now - those eyes that always watched her - and she realized she had forgotten to kiss back.

Aislinn sank into him, chasing after his mouth that had begun to pull away. This time, when their lips met, she made sure to kiss back.

Now there was surprise in those eyes. Surprise and hope. She felt an awesome amount of relief when he closed them the very next moment, though hers remained open. She had decided to do this, but she couldn't honestly tell herself that if she closed her eyes she wouldn't pretend he was someone else.

So she kissed her King with open eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

**Wicked Lovely** does not belong to me.

Listening to: _Sleep_ by Conjure One

* * *

**Dream**

**Chapter Three**

Keenan was truly beautiful.

She watched him sleep; sprawled across his bed completely relaxed and unguarded. Her eyes wandered him, taking in the sharp angles of his face, the delicate flutter of the pulse in his throat, the gentle curve and dip of his collar, long-fingered hands and copper hair that hung messily over closed green eyes. Keenan truly was a creature to be awed and admired. Someone who... should've stayed in his own world.

Aislinn watched him with a sort of indifference, studying him as if he were an insect - cool, calculating and detached. Reaching over to carefully brush the hair from his face, feeling the warmth of him linger on the backs of her fingers and watching his eyelids flutter minutely at the touch before he settled back into peaceful slumber.

They had spent the entire night dancing; dancing, dizzy and drunk off of each other and summer wine. That look he had given her the moment their lips had separated had been... painful. So excruciatingly painful and so stunningly beautiful that she had forgotten how to breathe, had, for a moment, felt like a mortal again - puny and powerless compared to him. The look he had given her - as if she were his entire world, that he knew and needed nothing other than her, she was the center of his universe - had frightened her.

Especially when she knew it was true.

She had been the person Keenan had spent so many years searching for. She was his Summer Queen, his other half. His soul mate.

It was their fate to be with each other.

"Keenan..." she whispered to the silence, his name coming from her unbidden. She frowned, looking, for a moment, conflicted and anguished.

"Keenan," she said again, letting her fingers slide across the smooth skin of his face, resting them on the pillow by his head and leaning down towards him.

Their lips a mere hair's breadth away, she hesitated, and from the change in his breathing - though he didn't open his eyes - she knew he was awake now. Could feel the faint tensing of his muscles from where her stomach was pressed against his side, could feel the sudden restless energy coming off of him.

"Sometimes... I really hate you," she swore she could hear his heart skip a beat, could feel the pain wash through him and it brought her a morose sense of satisfaction.

... but even she had to admit that, more often than not, she loved him more than she hated him. A thin line indeed.

She closed the distance between them, their mouths touching softly, innocently. He didn't respond and didn't move to touch her, his eyes intense, pained emerald slivers that watched her... and she watched back. The touch of their lips was brief and she pulled away mere seconds later, their gazes never separating - the silence stretching on.

Then, in abrupt suddenness, they were on each other. Half of her sprawled on top of him, their lips meshed together; trying to consume one another. Her nails sliding down his back, one of his hands cradling the back of her skull, the other gripping tight to her hip, pulling her closer... closer...

He flipped them, bodily rolling her over and crushing her into the mattress with his weight and she broke the kiss with a gasp, head arching back into the pillows; his mouth was quick to find purchase at her throat. Faintly, she noticed that they were glowing, heat and light rolling off their bodies in similar frenzied passion. Then he was biting at her collar and her eyes were rolling to the ceiling, something like a purr forcing its way past her lips.

She was panting, licking sunshine off her lips and letting her eyes shut tightly; fingers petting at his shoulders, dancing down his spine, wrapping around him and tugging him closer.

She wanted to melt into him. Melt and forget...

Forget...

The tears were silent and came unbidden, rolling delicately down her cheeks and spotting the pillows. Her breath shook as she exhaled and when Keenan surfaced from her neck to kiss her again, he froze on the spot, looking lost for words.

She wouldn't look at him, simply wound her arms around him and pulled him closer; burying her face in his neck.

Keenan could only hold her as she cried.


	4. Chapter 4

Listening to: _Return To Innocence _by Enigma

I'd like to thank everyone who has reviewed. Thanks a bunch~ I'd also like to say that this story doesn't really have a plot. It's just me writing short little drabble-like things when I'm inspired.

* * *

**Dream**

**Chapter Four**

She smelled like Keenan.

Alone in his bed, arm thrown over her eyes, she could smell him on her skin; wearing him like a perfume. It made her heart flutter, made her face heat up, and made her feel like even more of a traitor than she had before.

How fickle her heart was.

... but, then again... Seth had been the one to leave her. It was his betrayal, not hers. She was just... trying to move on. Or so she tried to tell herself.

Aislinn sighed, removing her arm from her eyes and letting it fall heavily back down to her side. The sheets were warm and silky smooth beneath her bare arms and, of course, they smelled oh-so-wonderful. She sighed again, rolling onto her side and pulling the covers up around her and over her head, tucking them close to her body as she shrank into herself. She was too tired to cry and too miserable to care for her unfaithful actions.

Right now... all she wanted to do was sink into Keenan's scent. Wanted to bask in it until it became a part of her, until it washed all her melancholy away, until he came back to her.

Who 'he' was, was questionable.

---

She no longer smelled like Keenan.

Bathed and dressed now, she sat listlessly on the window seat in her room, head pressed against the cool glass, breath fogging it over. Along with miserable, she felt bored with herself, but she didn't feel like leaving the loft. The outside world was frightening to her now, more frightening than it had been when she had been mortal.

The outside world and the people who lived in it, her friends and her family... they were all so fragile. Mortal. Their mortality frightened her; that, one day, they would all die and she would live on. Aislinn had always considered herself a strong person, but the thought was unbearable.

She wondered if Keenan ever became bored. Certainly he had lived for far longer than she and certainly his Kingly duties couldn't have consumed all of his time. Especially when he had spent most of his Kingship searching for his Queen; flirting and gallivanting with unsuspecting mortal women. Oddly enough, she wondered if he had gotten bored of that, too.

As lovely as passion and frivolity were... too much of it must've been tiring.

She slid from the window and decided to find her King. Perhaps she'd help him with his duties - it certainly seemed like a better way to occupy her time than sitting about and moping. It was also about time she did her own duty as Queen. She may not enjoy her fate, but her court had grown on her and she loved each and every one of them.

Like it or not, they were her family now. She was stuck with them for an eternity.

She made her way outside, the warm breeze and heat of the sunshine lifting her mood instantly, taking a quick glance around her to check on her fey. She couldn't help but smile to herself at their vitality and carefree atmosphere. They were all such lovely, silly creatures. She really did have a fondness for them.

She spotted one of the Rowan guards standing near the building, watching the Summer girls dance and frolic a little ways away. Apparently he was just as bored as she was. She approached him and he immediately stood at attention, "My queen."

Aislinn made a face, still not used to being addressed as such, but decided not to say anything about it, "Where is Keenan?" she asked instead and the Rowan guard looked suddenly uncomfortable; she frowned at him curiously.

"He... has gone to see the Winter Queen..."

Donia.

Aislinn felt something inside of herself grow cold, blank as it slid to the horizon. That hurt. It hurt more than she thought it would. She felt no jealousy, felt no desire to be angry or sad about it... It just...

The pain was horrible.

The stinging pressure behind her eyes was becoming too familiar a sensation and she fought against it with a brutal determination. She had told herself she wouldn't cry anymore and she had already broken that promise the night before; she couldn't do it again.

... but she felt so absolutely useless, or perhaps used. She didn't love Keenan, not in the way he wanted her to. She was trying, but she couldn't just change herself so easily. Her heart belonged to Seth and, despite how easy everything had seemed thus far, it would for quite some time yet. That wasn't the point though...

She turned towards the guard who was watching her, his eyes concerned, and she smiled faintly at him, "Thank you."

Then she was walking, form glittering, becoming invisible to the mortal eye. She needed to think, needed to be alone, needed to reevaluate everything. It was hard, the pain was suffocating; the hot, nauseating tightness in her chest making it hard to concentrate on anything but Keenan. Keenan and Donia.

Of course Keenan still loved Donia. It was the same with herself and her love for Seth.

What bothered her was... did he not realize she was trying? Every time she kissed him she felt like dying, every time she touched him she felt like hiding herself away and breaking down. Her affection for him stemmed from her transformation into Summer Queen, her want of him came from the need to be near his light; to be connected to him through that warmth. Otherwise, she was battling years and years of hard learned experience and reactions.

Faeries had been her enemies less than a year ago.

No, that wasn't the point either...

He left her. She had almost given herself to him the night before and she had woken up alone - which hadn't been too much of a bother - only to learn that he had left her to go to Donia. His love for the Winter Queen, his need of that forbidden relationship had spurred him to leave her. It left a foul taste in her mouth and things that she already knew, had locked away, began to forcefully resurface.

It didn't matter how hard she tried for Keenan. Didn't matter if, one day, she fell head-over-heels madly in love with him. Keenan had history with Donia, they had been together for far longer than Aislinn wished to think about. Keenan would always love Donia. Aislinn was merely a necessity; an oasis in a desert. Keenan only needed her to bring out the full power of the Summer Court. Would court her and love her as a woman - maybe she'd even end up having his children - but he would never love her as her.

Her first relationship, the only one she had wanted and the only one she had ever needed, had betrayed her. Left her here in this terrifying, confusing world that had new rules and new danger. Left her in the water, drowning. Now this new relationship, which wasn't even a relationship, was doomed to fail before it started. This relationship built on need and necessity.

What was worse, she couldn't even bring herself to hate him for it. Not now, not when she had this bond with her Court and knew that he had done what he had for them. That, if he had had no need for a Queen he would never have bothered her, or her mother, or all of the countless other women he had courted.

Numb, she managed to find her way to the park, watching, for a moment, the joyful dancing and merrymaking of her fey. Suddenly hit with an overwhelming misery, she fell to her knees in the grass and tilted her head back to the sky.

Desperately, clenching her eyes shut, she wished to every god she had never believed in, that happy endings were real.

It started to rain.


	5. Chapter 5

Listening to: _Pandora by Conjure One_

**Wicked Lovely ©Melissa Marr**

By the way, if you want to listen along to the music, then go look it up on **playlist .com**

* * *

**DREAM**

**Chapter Five**

The rain came down hard and cold, hitting her skin like thousands of tiny little needles and soaking her to the bone in under a minute. She stared out in front of herself, gaze faraway and distant, face expressionless. Her mind was blank and for a moment she seemed to have an out-of-body experience - everything suddenly coming to her in a startling, crystal clarity.

What was she _doing_?

She pulled herself out of her stupor, looking around herself slowly, completely alone in the downpour and glad for it. Her gaze came to rest on her hands, which she raised to face level and studied. She flexed her fingers - they were long and thin and delicate-looking - watching the joints curl and extend and observing how it disturbed the falling rainwater.

Was this the type of person she had become? Perhaps she'd always been like this.

She felt so _pathetic_. So _selfish._ So.... _weak._

The corners of her mouth pulled down into a faint frown, hands falling away to rest on the muddied ground and head tilting back, eyes sliding shut, leaving her face to the mercy of the cold, pelting rain.

This was madness. Absolute madness.

"I... am a horrible person," she spoke out loud, her voice swallowed by the rain, not that there was anyone around to hear her, anyway.

Sluggishly, she shifted her knees beneath her and stood, taking another look around herself. What should she do? Behind her was the path back to the loft, before her there was uncertainty and besides her were indestructible roadblocks that wouldn't let her go around either of them. It was either forwards or backwards and she didn't know what to do.

She suddenly felt so empty and purposeless.

_Why_ was she here?

Seth was gone and he had taken her heart with him. Keenan was with Donia and even Aislinn couldn't deny that that's where he rightfully belonged.

So why was she _here_ and where was _she_ supposed to _go_?

Aislinn glanced behind herself, back towards an empty loft, then around herself. She didn't belong here, not anymore, not in this world full of mortals, full of memories of her old life and her own mortality. She realized that she had obligations to her people, but she didn't really want to be here.

Perhaps she should just give Keenan what he wanted - her body, her share of the power - so that she could _leave_. She wouldn't mind being a powerless fairy, wouldn't mind being alone again... She was immortal now, she had all the time in the world to ---

To _what_?

She didn't know.

She closed her eyes, feeling her head start to hurt. Well, she supposed that in order to go forwards, she'd have to go backwards first.

But first... she thought she'd wait until the rain stopped.

* * *

It was late evening by the time the rain had stopped and she had slowly made her way back to the loft. No one spoke to her or bothered her and she ignored the concern in their eyes and the way they whispered about her. She supposed she was pitiable, deserved to be pitied, but that didn't mean she liked it.

She frowned, brushing a wet strand of hair from her face and entered the loft which was dark and empty. She already knew that Keenan wouldn't be back until tomorrow and even though the thought brought a tightness to her chest, she reminded herself that it was for the best. She wouldn't have been able to face him now, anyway.

Her footsteps were soundless as she made her way to the bathroom, taking a quick shower to wash away the rainwater, but even the scalding bathwater could not alleviate the coldness she felt growing inside of her.

She definitely was a pitiable, disgraceful woman.

... but she didn't even have the energy to feel sorry for herself.

Aislinn sighed, closing her eyes and wishing tomorrow came quickly.


	6. Chapter 6

**Wicked Lovely © Melissa Marr **

_Listening to: Runaway by Iio_

_

* * *

_

**DREAM**

**Chapter Six**

Keenan never came back.

Aislinn felt ill. Head light, mouth full of cotton and vision blurred, it felt as if her whole world had become detached from the gravity of the sun and was spinning wildly and out of control - round and round, topsy-turvy on its axis. Nausea hit her hard, her stomach roiling and clenching, made worse by the thundering in her head and the slow constriction taking place in her chest; she likened the feeling to her ribcage compacting, as if it were slowly trying to suffocate her.

It was raining again; she watched the droplets of water sluice down the glass of the window from where she was seated on the sill, her heated, throbbing forehead pressed against the cool glass, hot breath fogging the space just past her lips.

She had sat there the entire day, waiting for Keenan to return, hoping that seeing him would somehow inspire an epiphany - some clue, hint, angelic chorus, or whatever else to help finalize her decision. But he never came home.

Half way through her day of moping by the window she had realized exactly why he hadn't shown up. Tomorrow - or, in fact, today; she had spent the entire day sitting there and it was now the wee hour of the morning - there was to be an eclipse. Aislinn frowned, having to hastily push away the graphic images of Keenan and Donia that suddenly sprung to mind. She had no right to feel any jealousy towards the couple - the eclipse was the only day they were able to... be together, after all.

She had shivered at the thought.

So now she sat, feeling feverish and distant - body numb and cramped from having sat in one position for so long. Her blurry, unfocused eyes stared out into the darkness of the early morning, past the raindrops and into a world that she used to belong in and understand. Everything had made sense back then, back when she had been human. She had had her rules to live by and follow concerning the fey and though her life had been full of danger she had been happy.

Happiness was a ghost-feeling now. She could no longer remember its taste or feel, could barely remember its warm, uplifting embrace. Now happiness tasted vaguely of the first time she had sampled Summer wine as a human. Sweet and thick on the tongue, casting illusions over her eyes and drowning her in a world full of lies.

Her head throbbed horribly, a sharp pain lancing the back of her eyeballs, making her squint in discomfort. She swallowed thickly, licking dry lips and raising a hand to her temple - her fingers were cold and stiff, as if bloodless, and they tingled unpleasantly, but the coolness of them felt delightful against her heated forehead.

Vaguely she wondered if her depression was doing this to her; she didn't think it healthy for a fairy of the Summer court - passion and frivolity - to be so morose. The passing thought that she might wilt and die like one of the Summer girls swam through the murk of her mind, but she quickly dismissed the idea. She doubted it would so easy.

Lightning flashed just outside the window, drawing her attention, the loud, rolling roar of thunder that followed causing the building to shake and setting off distant car alarms. She sighed, staring longingly out the window, feeling almost soothed by the display of nature's angry wrath.

_Why am I here?_

She wondered to herself not for the first time. Lightning flashed again, thunder at its heels and she frowned, slowly uncoiling stiff legs, placing feet on the floor and standing. The sudden rush of blood back into her legs was slightly disorienting and she swayed unsteadily, muscles protesting. Ignoring her discomfort, she slowly made her way to a stuffed duffel bag by the closet - she had moved in at Keenan's insistent request, but despite living with him for half a year she had never been able to make herself unpack - crouching before it and hesitating only a moment before pulling out some clothes.

Changing out of her pajamas and into nothing more than a pair of jeans, t-shirt and well-loved sneakers, she paused in front of the vanity mirror to stare at herself. She felt odd in her human clothes, looked odd in them, her immortal, ethereal beauty making her plain clothing seem off and out of place. She hadn't actually worn any of her old clothes in a while, always being coerced into wearing expensive and brand name articles of clothing by Keenan and the Summer girls.

Aislinn stared blankly at her reflection, wondering at what she had become, before quickly tying up her hair and turning away from her reflection.

She didn't want to wait anymore, she didn't want to think or agonize anymore.

Keenan would just have to spend another eternity looking for another Summer Queen, because she refused to be it.

Things had gotten too out of control.

She no longer wanted any part in this game.

Stepping into the rain, Aislinn let the door of the building close soundly behind her and began walking forwards.


	7. Chapter 7

**Wicked Lovely belongs to Melissa Marr.**

_Listening to: Beautiful Things by Andain_

_

* * *

_

**DREAM**

**Chapter Seven**

The rain hit hard against her, cold and unforgiving; rods of lightning flashing in the far distance before her and the following boom of thunder made her heart race and tremble in her chest. Despite this, she felt oddly at peace with herself for the first time in weeks.

Aislinn wasn't sure how long she had been walking, though she didn't think the sun had risen yet, not that she'd be able to tell anyway - the clouds were black and heavy, covering the whole expanse of the sky and the heavy torrent of rain only made it darker. Even with her improved eyesight she was still having a hard time seeing the buildings around her. It didn't matter much, she didn't really want to see what she was leaving behind anyway.

The storm has driven everyone off the streets, not a person or car in sight, and she was glad for it. Not that they would be able to see her anyway, but she didn't want to chance running into any familiar faces; she might waver in her decision and she didn't need any doubts.

What she _did_ need was to leave this city.

So she kept on walking.

* * *

The rain had stopped sometime during the early morning, the storm clouds dispersing enough to let slivers of light blanket the wet earth.

She had paused to rest at a gas stop, seating herself on one of those outside ice boxes and watching traffic slowly start to pick up as people began their days. She had never really people watched before, but she found it somehow relaxing to watch and wonder what other people were thinking and what they had to do for the day. The random thought of _I wonder where he/she is going _passing through her mind more than once.

She stayed there for a little over two hours, invisible to the world, before deciding that it was time to move on again. She hitched a ride on a truck, climbing up onto the roof and lying flat on her stomach so she wouldn't go flying off from the wind pressure. The truck started to move, merging onto the freeway and then she was well on her way to leaving her home behind.

Maybe one day she'd come back, but only after she figured out what she wanted in life now. What she was going to do now that she could no longer be who she once was.

She sighed, letting her mind blank and staring out at the cars in front of her; all of them speeding along the freeway, all of them having someplace to go, something to do, an agenda, a life. An odd mix of curiosity and envy welled up in her, the corners of her mouth turning down and she closed her eyes, resigned.

"No one ever said life was fair..." she murmured to herself sadly, folding her arms and pillowing her head on them, allowing herself to drift off to sleep.

She didn't want to think anymore.

* * *

The next time she opened her eyes, it was to the bright afternoon sun. The warm rays of light hit her and she allowed herself to bask in their energy, feeling lethargic and dreamy from the soothing touch of her element, the blood in her veins signing delightfully. It took her another moment or two to wake up fully, shifting and realizing that the truck had paused at a rest stop. Sitting up, she looked around at the unfamiliar surroundings, wondering how far they had gone in the five or so hours she had been sleeping. She guestimated that they must have gone pretty far.

Stretching, she yawned and climbed down, her stomach growling once her feet touched solid ground. She let her hand rest on her stomach and realized that she hadn't eaten anything in quite a while. Looking around herself, she found that the parking lot was pretty much empty, with only two or three other cars parked in random places and with no people in sight.

She smiled slightly to herself and let her glamour slip, shivering as the tingling whispers of magic danced off her skin and made her visible to the human eye once more.

Straightening out her clothes and hair, which had dried flat and wrinkly from the rain, she made sure she didn't look too messy and made her way towards the small rest stop building. Her choices being rather limited, she walked up to one of the stands - some generic burger place - and managed a weak smile for the woman behind the counter.

It seemed her rumpled appearance didn't matter much, because the cashier still looked dazed and slightly dumbstruck when she looked at her, an effect from her immortal beauty as a fairy. Aislinn's smile became a bit more strained.

"A number two, please," she said and the girl nodded dumbly, blinking herself from her stupor long enough to punch in her order.

"Uhm, $12.42 is your total," the girl responded and Aislinn was quick to give her the money, waiting almost impatiently for her change and then for her order.

There were four other people at the stop and they had quickly taken note of her and she could hear them murmuring excitedly to themselves, marveling at how attractive she was. Feeling awkward and irritated, she muttered a thank you to the girl and took her bag, quickly escaping the staring eyes of the bedazzled people.

Finding some relief now that she was in the parking lot, she heaved a sigh and let herself sink down to sit on the walkway, staring at her bag of greasy food. She had suddenly lost her appetite.

Still, she reached in and grabbed her burger, unwrapping it and making herself eat it. She no longer felt like eating, but knew that her body needed some sort of sustenance; she didn't think that being immortal would spare her from starving.

Eating the burger, picking at the fries and taking a few sips of her soda, she eventually decided that she had dillydallied for too long and stood, dumping the rest of her food into a nearby trashcan and walking out into the main part of lot once more.

It was completely empty. The truck she had been hitching a ride on was also gone. It didn't really bother her, she'd just continue on by foot.

Slipping her glamour back on, she began to walk; making her way towards the freeway, keeping to the side so she wouldn't get run over by a car.

She walked and walked, watching the vehicles fly by her with a whoosh that rumpled her clothes and swept up her hair. Briefly she wondered why she hadn't seen any other fairies around - she knew that Keenan's court and Donia's court couldn't be the only fairy kingdoms around. Then she wondered if most fairies were too weak to wander too far from their homes and rulers.

She supposed that meant she wouldn't be running into too many fey then. Then she wondered... besides fairies, were there other types of mystical creatures roaming around? and if so, would she run into them?

She was fairly sure she would - she had forever to live, after all. Eventually she'd have to run into something.

Eyes forward, she kept on walking.

* * *

Besides a few close encounters with the cars on the freeway, she eventually made it to a town in one piece.

It was evening - the sun just starting to disappear beneath the horizon. She had vanished her glamour once more, feeling the sudden need for people to see her, to be part of the population instead of just walking through it. She could handle the awed murmurs and whispers for a little while if it meant not feeling so lonely.

Feeling tired, she eventually wandered into a small cafe, taking a seat at a booth and ordering a cup of tea so the waitress wouldn't kick her out for loitering. Looking out the window, nursing her tea, she had to admit that the little town was very quiet. There didn't seem to be a lot of people or much activity - a very sleepy place.

She knew very well that she couldn't keep on wandering for long, eventually she'd have to stop, find some work to earn some cash. She didn't have to eat very often, but eating was only one of her problems and all monetary issues aside, she knew that if she continued being a vagabond for long... she'd go insane from the loneliness.

She had never been a social butterfly, but she had still needed interaction and socialization. It wasn't any different now that she was a fairy.

She still felt too close though. She was miles and miles away from her home, but she still felt too close. She'd continue on further into the mountains and then she'd settle down for a while.

But for now she was content to drink her tea and to sit and watch humanity and time flow past her.

* * *

Unedited chapter. Sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes.


	8. Chapter 8

**Wicked Lovely belongs to Melissa Marr.**

_Listening to: Days Go By by Dirty Vegas._

Yeah, I kind of forgot this story existed. Sorry about that.

Thanks to everyone for their lovely, lovely reviews!

* * *

**DREAM**

**Chapter Eight**

The mountains were breathtaking.

They stretched upwards into the heavens, their snow-capped summits obscured and kept hidden by a thick veil of frothy clouds. Often times she would find herself rooted in place, gazing upon them, unblinking – mind blank – until the edges of her vision began to narrow in and blacken. Sometimes she longed to scale them, to push her immortal body to its limits and climb all the way to the top; she wanted to peer unto the earth, positive that it would hold all the answers and solutions to her problems.

… and, in a way, it would, because climbing such a peak would most certainly mean her demise. The temperatures would be so bitterly cold that she would freeze from the inside, out… and there would be no sun to empower and save her. The irony of that was not lost to her.

Aislinn was pulled from her stupor when darkness suddenly broke her view of the mountains. Hands firmly placed themselves over her eyes and hot breath tickled the back of her neck, "You were daydreaming again…" there was silent laughter in the voice and she couldn't help the upward twitch of her lips.

She slipped away from the encircling arms, turning to face the person behind her, "I like the view," she defended herself, frowning when the young man behind her laughed outright, amused.

"You city folk are strange," he commented lightly and she rolled her eyes at him.

Him, being Joshua.

Aislinn had ended up wandering into the long, stretch of rolling countryside after she had left that small town. She had walked for miles, without any real purpose or destination in mind – actually, there hadn't been much on her mind, period. She had existed in a fog those couple of days, time blanking out around her as she slipped in and out of awareness.

Eventually, she had driven herself into exhaustion and had collapsed. The next time she had opened her eyes, three days had passed and there had been an unfamiliar roof over her head and an unfamiliar face staring down at her. A face with a head of shaggy hair, dark eyes and a mouth that had split into a grin when he noticed she'd woken up.

"Well, sleeping beauty finally woke up, did she?" he had said and things had simply progressed from there.

Apparently, she had passed out in one of the grazing fields Joshua and his family maintained; they owned a farm out here in the middle of veritable nowhere. He lived with his gruff uncle, three brothers and a sister – she believed he had once mentioned something about his parents being dead.

She'd been here for about a month already; the uncle – Sam – had allowed her to be an on-property worker. The pay wasn't much, but it didn't really matter to her – she didn't need as many things as a mortal did. Most times she allowed herself to believe that she'd been taken in out of the goodness of their hearts, but other times she realized it was largely because of her unearthly beauty and mystical influence. Both being things she couldn't exactly turn off.

"Anyway, Uncle Sam won't be too happy if he finds you slacking again… The horses won't feed themselves, y'know!"

Aislinn blinked, glancing behind her at the stable she was standing in front of, having completely forgotten that she'd been about to tend the horses.

"Mm," she replied absently, turning and wandering into the stable, completely unaware to Joshua's sudden frown and disappointed expression. He stared after her a moment longer and she felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end, turning halfway around to look at him, but he was already walking away.

"… ok then," she murmured to herself, turning to the first horse – named Coco, because of her coloring – and smiling faintly at the beautiful creature.

She reached into the stall and the animal made an odd, anxious sort of noise, but allowed Aislinn to pet her anyway. During her time here, she'd found that the animals had mixed reactions towards her. They could sense that she wasn't human, that there was something _wrong_ with her, but they couldn't quite figure out what the difference3 was. It also didn't help that they were simultaneously drawn to her because of the feeling of sunlight and summer she exuded.

"Are you hungry?" she asked quietly and Coco snorted, pawing at the ground nervously. Aislinn sighed, resigned, and removed her hand from the horse's snout, pulling out the lock from the stall door and letting the horse out into the pasture to graze. She let four more out as well and brought in the ones that had already been out there – Sam had the horses on rotation, she knew there was some sort of logic behind it, but it was lost on her.

It was hours past noon, the sun already descending towards the west when she finally fed, then groomed all the horses.

* * *

The hinges to the screen door squeaked as it closed behind her and she frowned at the noise, eyes catching a darker pair that were glaring at her. Molly, the sister who was only thirteen, didn't like her. She had been the one to protest rather rudely at Aislinn's staying there, though she had obviously been outvoted. The girl avoided her and wouldn't speak to her except when it was unavoidable, and even then her tone would be snappish and standoffish. Molly was seated on the armchair in the small living room, a book in her lap and the television on, but muted in the corner.

The teenager glared a moment longer, then huffed and turned her nose up, going back to her novel; silently expressing that _she_ wasn't the one who was going to be leaving the room.

Aislinn sighed at the bratty girl, but didn't say anything. She was used to it already, the only one who really liked having her around was Joshua – even his brothers only really tolerated her, though they didn't outright ignore her like Molly did. Shaking her head, she detoured into the kitchen where Sam was sitting, going over a pile of papers that were probably bills and things. Running a farm was apparently incredibly difficult.

He looked up when she came in, his perpetual frown even deeper than usual, "I hope you locked that stable good," he said suddenly, eyeballing her a moment and she stared back with mild irritation. He sniffed at her, then went back to his number crunching, "… there's been cougar sightings in the area… bunch'a folks 'ave already lost lots of livestock."

"It's locked," was all she said and he grunted. She lingered a second longer, then continued on upstairs to shower – she didn't particularly like smelling like hay and horses.

* * *

Aislinn never ate dinner with them.

Mostly because she didn't need to eat as often, secondly because human food had started to taste rather vile to her, and third because she wasn't welcome in the first place.

Instead, she sat in the room they had given her, on an old lumpy mattress that sat on creaky springs, gazing out the window at the mountains. They looked even more enchanting during sunset and in the darkness. The waning sunlight coloring the blue-white of the mountain a vivid orange, which eventually bled away into night, leaving the mountains as dark, blocky figures that loomed stoically in the distance. Large, silent guardians that watched over the land.

She'd find herself drifting off to sleep while staring, transfixed, at them.

* * *

Her eyes opened and it took a moment for the cracked ceiling paint to register. The room was pitch-black, but her advanced eyesight helped her see with perfect clarity. What had woke her? A noise, she thought. She blinked, sitting up and straining to listen, to hear or sense anything that may have been out of place.

Her gaze drifted to her open window, the thin curtains blowing with a slight breeze. '_There!_ ' she thought and a chill ran down her spine, raising goosebumps across her skin. A loud, booming cracking noise had her flinging her covers off and hurrying towards the window. Nothing stirred, but she knew there was something out there.

There was another boom, followed by a loud, pained screeching; a roar of some sort that sounded as if it were made by a –

"Cougar…" she breathed to herself.

A long stretch of silence that seemed to last for hours went by. From a distance, she could see a red dot begin to come closer over the hill. Sam's truck, she thought, and it was confirmed when he stopped near the house and exited the truck, looking particularly vexed. She noticed there was a shotgun slung over his shoulder, which inspired her to look at the back of the truck. She grimaced – two dead sheep, but no cat.

Slowly, she moved from the window and got into bed, though was unable to fall back asleep. The door downstairs opened and closed quietly, footsteps passed, and then it was silent once more.

* * *

The house was eerily quiet that morning. Not even Joshua seemed to possess his usual cheer and energy. Their uncle's foul mood had everyone walking on eggshells, afraid to incur his wrath upon them. The fairy found that she couldn't stand the tension and had speedily left the house while the others tried to eat breakfast as quietly and quickly as possible.

She breathed a sigh of relief once outside, feeling so much better as the sun's rays fell over her, warming and soothing. She smiled wryly at the thought – the summer magic coursing through her veins making her darkly amused. She could have run to the other end of the planet, but she would never fully escape her problems. Not when her biggest one was herself and the monster that lurked inside her.

"Think about something else," she told herself and, with a deep, breath decided that she should feed the chickens. Turning towards the storehouse, she went to fetch the birdfeed.

* * *

"I know the sheep are important, but he doesn't have to be such a prick!"

She and Joshua were out in the pasture, sitting in the grass and watching the horses. Viciously, the dark-haired boy bit into one of the strange pastries he had brought with him. She nibbled on her own, having taken one so as not to be rude, but the thing tasted like something spoiled to her – though, supposedly it was some sort of lemon tart.

Aislinn wasn't quite sure what had happened, Joshua was in too much of a tizzy to explain it properly, but apparently he had said something his uncle hadn't appreciated and had gotten… disciplined, or something. Probably smacked across the head, if his constant rubbing of his ears was any indication.

He chewed like a cow in his irritation, pieces of sticky pastry clinging to the corners of his mouth. She gave him a long, incredulous look, before turning her gaze towards the horses. After a while he seemed to run out of steam, obviously put out that she hadn't joined him in insulting his uncle. Sighing, his shoulders sagged and he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

"… I've always wondered," he began, and she could feel his gaze on her, "what's it like in the city?"

Where did that come from? She glanced at him curiously, quiet for a moment, "… I didn't live in a big city like you're thinking," she finally said with a frown, "but it was noisier, lots of people, lots of fuss, and everyone was always in a rush. It was also… really gray."

Of course it was… she had spent much of her time around metal to keep the fey away… up until she had become one herself. She had spent most of her days at the train tracks with –

She forced her mind to come to a screeching halt before she could thing about _him_.

She clenched her teeth and they fell into an awkward sort of silence. It didn't last long though, Joshua didn't take well to the quiet, "… do you miss it? Your home."

She didn't answer, nor did she given any indication that she'd heard him, her eyes distant and glossy, expression tight. He waited, assuming that she was thinking about it, but eventually figured she was ignoring him when no answer was forthcoming. Frowning, he leaned closer, ready to express his irritation at being ignored, and at that moment to she turned her head to look at hm.

He paused, a sudden nervous energy filling him; they were so _close_. Literally a bare inch away from each other, breathing each other's air. The wind blew and he felt himself get drunk off the smell of her, of the shampoo she used, of everything. She was just so… _beautiful_.

He didn't even think about it when he kissed her.

* * *

She had been thinking about his question. Did she miss home? Well, certainly she missed her grandmother… though there was more guilt there than there was missing. She had let her down, had become the one thing her grandmother had warned her about her entire life. There were a lot of things she missed… but most of them she really didn't want to think about.

She realized she must have been silent quite a while, because she could feel Joshua get closer to her, except she hadn't realized just how much closer – when she turned to look at him, he was just a breath away.

Aislinn felt herself go very still, wariness creeping up on her. She didn't really like the way he was looking at her and it was too late when she realized what was happening, because he was already kissing her.

His lips were chapped and tasted faintly like that tart – which made her stomach roll – and he was pressing too hard, too sloppily. They were warm by human standards, but that made her realize that the last person she'd kissed had had lips that were hot and tasted like the sun and the passion of life.

… and thinking of Keenan made her chest ache horribly, and an abrupt, frightening longing for him overwhelmed her rather suddenly.

Thinking of Keenan also reminded her of Seth and that only doubled the pain in her heart.

She felt dizzy, breathless, her hands fisted in the grass, uprooting the strands that stained her fingers with sticky, green chlorophyll. He had been kissing her for fifteen seconds before reality finally caught up with her.

She shoved him off her harder than she had intended and he hit the grass with a loud thump and a wheeze as the breath was forced out of him. She stared at him, unseeing, her bottom lip trembling and… _she would NOT cry_. Not anymore.

"…I... I'm…" her voice cracked and quivered and she didn't even know what to say. Hastily, she stood up and ran, intent on locking herself in her room for the rest of the day.

Furiously, she rubbed at her mouth until it felt sore and raw, locking the door behind her and throwing herself on her bed which squeaked harshly in protest. She stared dully at the cracked ceiling, her emotions tumultuous. Biting hard at her tender bottom lip, she covered her eyes with her arm and fell into a fitful sleep.

* * *

Aislinn woke with a start to loud banging on her door. It was night, the room was dark.

Groggy, she stumbled out of bed, unlocked and opened the door. Sam was standing there and he didn't look very happy. "Where's Joshua, girl?"

She blinked at him, startled, "What?" she asked dumbly.

"Joshua!" he growled, slamming his fist into the doorframe causing the wood to crack, making her jump.

"He hasn't come back since this afternoon and the last person he was with was you," came a voice from behind Sam and Aislinn hadn't even realized Molly was behind him, looking just as sour and angry as her uncle.

"I… I don't know where he is," she said slowly, unsure.

That only seemed to make Sam angrier, his eyes flashing darkly, and he turned on his heels and stormed down the hall, then the stairs. Molly sneered at her, "I saw what you did," she said self-importantly, "a whore like you should be grateful my brother gave you some attention. You had no right to reject him!"

Whore? Anger rose in her quickly and she had to fight hard to control it lest her rage inspire her to do something she'd later regret. Molly turned on her heels and walked off; Aislinn started following after her, some nasty words on the tip of her tongue, but the frantic knocking on the front door caught her attention.

Sam was the one who answered and there was a hurried, hushed voice that she didn't recognize, but she heard rather clearly.

"Sam, I would have come earlier if I'd known… my boy said he saw Josh run into the mountains this morning… only bothered tellin' me 'cause he hasn't seen him come back yet…" there was a pause, "… Sam, there are cougars all over that area."

There was dead silence in the house for a moment, terror filling it so suddenly that Aislinn nearly choked on the taste of it. Sam grabbed his shotgun and was out the door a second later, the truck firing up a moment later. Molly, tears running down her face, turned and gave her the most hateful glare yet.

"This is your fault," she said quietly, her voice bitter and sure, then stormed into her room just as the other brothers walked in from the front door, looking confused and worried – not knowing what was going on.

Aislinn frowned.

Molly was wrong… it wasn't her fault. Wasn't her responsibility, but she still found herself pushing past the brothers and running towards the mountains.

* * *

Stupid fucking kid.

She couldn't understand why she was doing this, it wasn't her fault, after all. No one had told the bastard to go and kiss her, and no one had told him to be a moron and go running off into cougar territory, either.

She already had enough boy trouble; she didn't need this asshole to add on more baggage. A spike of guilt washed over her at thinking such things, but she couldn't help it. She was angry.

She stalked through the trees, invisible to the human eye, climbing up the mountain, trying to figure out where Joshua might have gone. She'd been searching for what felt like forever and hadn't found anything that could possibly lead her to him.

A rustling in the foliage caught her attention and made her stop. Cautiously, she looked around, realizing that everything was abnormally quiet around her. She couldn't hear any wildlife at all, there wasn't even a breeze. She shivered, wary, eyes darting to another rustle in the trees and still there was nothing.

"Joshua?" she called out uncertainly, letting her glamour fall as she did so, creeping towards the noise.

Stepping over a rock and parting some low hanging branches she gasped, staring in horror at what was in front of her.

It was grotesque, the way the blood gushed from him. He was missing a leg and was covered in lacerations and bite marks, his face pale from blood loss and his eyes glassy, delirious from the pain. She knew, without really having to look at him, that he was going to die. Besides him, was a cougar, the one that Sam had shot the other day, apparently, because there was a bullet hole in its side that was covered with dried blood. It was chewing on his torn off leg.

A shout broke over the sound of her wildly beating heart, but she couldn't look away from the morbid scene, even as the crack of a shotgun going off bounced around her skull. The cat yowled, enraged, but another bullet through the head ended its cries instantly. There was some shuffling as Sam ran to Joshua, cradling the broken body to him.

The gruff man sobbed out denials, petting the boy's blood-matted hair and murmuring frantic nonsense. Joshua looked up at him, unseeing, but knowing who it was. His world was dark now, he only had seconds left.

"… so'ry 'bout… this… unc-…" life faded from his eyes and he went limp in his uncle's grasp.

She stared at them from a long, long time, unable to move, or think, or do much of anything. Finally, Sam raised his head, eyes red and wild, and looked at her.

"I should kill you," he said with such a conviction that she thought he just might try, "… if I ever see you again… I will."

Brokenly, he lifted his nephew's corpse and walked away. She didn't even think about following.

* * *

The fairy sat there in the dirt until the first rays of sunlight passed the thick foliage. Her body stiff and cold, she stood, movements jerky… and she began to climb.

It was cold, she thought. Bitterly so.

The faint glow of the early morning sun no longer reached here, the treetops consuming it greedily before it could reach the ground. Her joints were starting to ache, her breathing labored, and the lack of sun and the growing cold was only making it worse. She didn't stop climbing though.

Up and up and up, until she was delirious and covered in a cold sweat, knees wobbling and shaking like leaves. She finally collapsed into a sit on a rock, wondering what she was doing. What was she trying to achieve? She didn't know.

Diagonal from her position, tiny rocks fell and clacked against the mountain on their way down. She looked up with some difficultly and saw two pairs of gold eyes staring back at her. Two cougars.

They watched her with what looked to be curiosity, their heads tilted, and occasionally their eyes would slide to the other, as if they were communicating. Their eyes lit up, filled with purpose and meaning and she stared at them, dazed and brain too foggy to really understand. Though, somehow she knew they wanted her to follow.

Staring at her a moment longer, they turned and started walking away.

She knew it was probably a horrible idea, but… struggling to stand up, Aislinn decided to follow.

* * *

Er, yeah. Unedited chapter.


End file.
